How to Get Your Husband Into Couples Counseling

However, there has been a recent shift, and now more women than males are initiating therapy. Maybe it's because, traditionally, women in our culture have shouldered the burden of relationship maintenance. Perhaps it's because they associate therapy with female weakness, or because they're uncomfortable "talking about their feelings." Whatever the reason, more women than men make first contact to schedule playa vista counseling appointments.

What, though, if your husband or boyfriend flat-out refuses to go to couples therapy with you? You're dissatisfied, think you and your spouse have poor communication skills and dislike where your marriage is heading. You might not think he understands the gravity of the situation. He refuses to get help from a counselor for unknown reasons.

The following are some suggestions that may improve your chances of persuading him to attend couples therapy

1) Send a letter to him. Writing down one's thoughts and feelings can help one get their ideas in order and lessen the emotional charge of the conversation. Time and distance from the initial confrontation could help defuse the power struggle. In addition, he can read the letter whenever he likes and as often as he has to in order to perhaps gain insight into your feelings and the impact the connection is having on you.

2) Approach him during a time when he won't be busy. Tell him how much you care for him and how much you want your relationship with him to grow and flourish. Away from the battle, and less angry, you may be in a better position to hear him.

(3 Give him the freedom to select the counselor he works with. Perhaps he would feel more at ease with a male therapist, reasoning that he wouldn't be ganged up on by a group of women. He may also have preferences regarding the therapist's age, gender, and/or religious background. He may be more invested in the therapy if he gets to choose the therapist.

4) Begin individual therapy: Perhaps gaining insight into how you contribute to the difficulties will allow you to more effectively convey the toll that your discontent with the relationship is taking on you and your spouse. You may get insight into your own involvement in perpetuating the conflict and convince him of couples counseling's potential usefulness if you take responsibility for your own part in the tensions.

5) Work together with a counselor. See if there's a therapist who's willing to let your husband sit in on certain sessions as a "Holder of fact" or spectator. Invite him to join you in therapy as a neutral expert to share his observations and suggestions with the therapist. If the therapist is skilled in this method, it can be a wonderful opportunity to show your husband what counseling is truly like, that is, a place where he can feel safe sharing his experiences and have them validated. He may come to realize that counseling isn't so horrible and a place where he can begin to get some of his needs satisfied after this first experience.

6) The threat of divorce or separation should be used as a last resort and no more than once or twice during a partnership. You should be prepared to actually file for divorce if you threaten to do so. Taking such an approach suggests that the marriage is on its last legs. Either accept the relationship for what it is and stop complaining or leave knowing you gave it your all and that your happiness is worth something, even if the other person is reluctant to make it better.

It's important to fight for your marriage. Do whatever it takes to save the relationship, even if it involves pressuring your partner into therapy. Your marriage can be saved with the right approach and the help of a therapist who understands the significance of couples therapy and is eager to help. He'll be thankful you asked.

Contact me through my website or blog using the buttons below if you'd like more information on how to convince your partner to enter therapy.

I have a private office in the middle of Mission Valley in San Diego, California, and I also teach in the Masters and Doctoral programs in Marriage and Family Therapy at San Diego State University and Alliant International University. I work with clients at all stages of their lives, including singles, couples, and families. My specialty is couples therapy, and I employ emotionally focused techniques to help partners feel more secure in their relationships with one another. Depression, grief, stress, anger, anxiety, and substance misuse are some of the other topics covered.